Monday, June 29, 2009

~my very first entry~


A friend once told me, it's okay to have feelings for someone. We should be thankful for it. But then again, we have to stop and think.. why do we feel what we feel.. are they for the right reason?? At first, i wasn't sure what 'THE RIGHT REASON' would have meant. And then suddenly, it strikes me. If you sincerely hold something for someone.. you would want to be with that person right?? but how is that? Should you go up to him, drastically pouring your heart out and hopes that he would feel the same? what if he doesn't? wouldn't that be extremely embarassing!!!

my friend went on.. she said, ask yourself why do you feel that way about this person? is it because of his dashing looks, his affectionate words, his flattering attitude, his intelligence, or his strong faith? is it all because of whom he is OR you fall for him because of ALLAH? the reason that my friend was referring to is simply MARRIAGE. Simple, straightforward, uncomplicated. When you fall for a guy because of Allah, insyaAllah, it will lead you to the right reason. To marry him/her.

Wait, wait, wait...!! Get married? Settle down? Have children? What about studies??? I don't have enough money!! this is going waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy to farrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! i'm only 20!! i have dreams to achieve!!

Okay, what about 'coupling'? We don't have to get all too lovey dovey. i'll set up rules.. no holding hands, no dates (okay, maybe, a couple times would do, with chaperone).. only phone calls. that's fine, right? Do you honestly think that this relationship would work this way?

Frankly, those were my thoughts, INITIALLY. Eventually, I began to accept. It's true. Marriage is the only answer when you sincerely have something for a guy (you get what i mean right!?)

So, if you think you're not ready for a marriage,.. Keep it to yourself and Allah. Tell Him everything and he will always listen to you! without fail! never abandoning you! never! It will be a JIHAD. A small Jihad. No matter big or small, its still a meaningful one. if you die the next day, you have this jihad.

Moving on, this same friend of mine gave me a prayer.. it goes like this..

"Ya Allah, jika dia ialah lelaki yg kau ciptakan utk aku, dekatkanlah hati kami. Tetapi, jika sebaliknya, maka jauhkanlah aku daripadanya. Ya Allah, jauhkanlah aku daripada segala perbuatan maksiat."

okay, one more thing. Now, just when you thought.. Alright, i'm ready to get married! i'm sure this time! he's the one! he really is! STOP! WAIT! DON'T RUSH THINGS!! think again! be reflective! Marriage is a HUGE DEAL, it takes a whole lot of commitments! if people tell me age doesn't matter. i'm sorry, but i have to disagree! Age matters!!! When you're still young, you immature! (maybe not completely immature, but certainly not mature enough to understand, to make sacrifices, to have kids, to carry he responsibilities!!) Are you prepared to see the same face without getting bored? Cook for him? Carry his child? Listen to his petty wishes? Argue with him just about anything? Is he responsible enough? Are you too??

Is this getting to you at all?? okay, honestly, i have no clue about marriage because i'm not married! but Please, please try to understand what i'm trying to say!

in case if you're wondering, why all of the sudden I went on blabbing about all this (dah la my first entry somemore!) Well, there are quite a number of reasons. More than one r..!! ... I found out about a friend of mine who just got pregnant. She's not my age. Just a few years older. but does it makes any difference?? NO! She's still pregnant, at a young age! Too young! She wants to marry the guy. Guess what, he told her to abort the baby...

Okay, well maybe i'm being too harsh or too emotional. But i want her to know, from the bottom of my heart, i care about her. I really do...

Furthermore, i'm doing this as a reminder to myself. Again, i'm just human. i tend to make mistakes. i'm afraid too. i admit, i have feelings for a guy too. And its been there for awhile. Everyday, i pray to Allah the same prayer as above. Good thing, I never had the gut to admit or to even think that he's the one. I don't know. Only Allah knows. I know how it feels. waiting can be painful... sometimes, i feel like going to this person I 'like' and confessing!! tell him everything! But can I be sure that what i feel for this guy will stay on? what if I move on one day and fall for another guy? So, turns out this guy isn't the one la!? Get what i mean? makes sense?? Just hang in there! Kalau ade jodoh, takkan ke mane..!

Secare jujurnye, takot jugak nk tulis psl mende ni! what if one day, i sendiri yg couple ke? Karang, ckp tak serupe bikin kan? Justnow, i was touched by what's written on Huda's blog.. Cukuplah sekadar ada Allah sebagai tempat untukku berharap... waaaaaaaaaa... sedihnye.. Jahatnye diri ni! I'll try my very best, insyaAllah..

Remember this, don't rush things. Bercinta time couple bukannye ape sgt pon. bercinta time kahwin lg best! Ye ke? well, I believe so! My usrah sister once reminded me about the versus of love. She mentioned about what Fahri said to Aisya.. I can't recall the exact words that Fahri said, but it sounds something like this.. 'Aisya, walau apapun terjadi, aku ingi kekal sebagai suami isteri, dan bercinta dgnmu di dunia dan akhirat. Inilah ayat-ayat cintaku.'

i want to bercinta with my husband dunia and akhirat too. So, please don't make the wrong move and end up regretting. Allah is Great. Just have faith in Him. Bercintalah dengan-Nya.